Specifically mine. I had this idea a long time ago but never acted on the impulse. This exploration will not be explicitly graphic but it will document my adventurous exploits. A thoughtful and hopefully entertaining walk through my influences and observations. I hope it is fun.
In the beginning….
there was spanking! Spanking has always been part of my fantasies as far back as I can remember. In retracing my history I discovered a memory of a very early childhood spanking in which I was pulled over my mother’s lap at a very young age. I was fully clothed and she was sitting in a chair in the corner of our living room. This spanking was significant because it happened in front of my siblings. I believe some bad behavior had been discovered or I was being disobedient at the time. But my mother pulled me partially over her lap and landed a few swats on my bottom.
The spanking was matter of fact and swift. It was a spanking of embarrassment more than of punishment. I was upset because it happened in front of other people. I believe this is my first spanking experience. I don’t recall my mother being a physical woman when it came to discipline. This makes this spanking stand out for me as I cannot recall any other spankings from my mother or father during this time.
When I was few years older I do recall a man with two sons that lived on our street. I used to play with them. Their father resembled Richard Deacon (Mel Cooley from the Dick Van Dyke show). I usually encountered him in a sleeveless white t-shirt and dress pants. I was afraid of him. He had an intimidating presence and it was rumored that he used his belt on his sons. One night he called them home as it neared dark. In his hand he held his belt.
This was not something with which I was familiar. In comparison, domestic discipline in our home was mild and relegated to verbal scolding and grounding.
I have only one recollection of my father spanking me. As to the actual spanking or the offense I can’t recall but I do remember afterward. Alone in the bathroom I locked the door. I was naked and my curiosity overcame me. I climbed onto the counter and faced the mirror. Then I turned around and bent over. I could still feel the heat as it radiated off my glowing red bottom and it felt warm when I touched it. The sensation was unique plus I had never seen a red bottom. I was aware of spanking and imagined there were kids which were punished in that manner. It wasn’t prevalent in our household and I never witnessed a friend or neighbor being spanked.
Yes, I played doctor. I guess in some ways I am traditionalist. When I was very young I attended a grade school birthday party. There was a girl I liked at the party. At one point we snuck off together and crawled under the bed in the master bedroom. We proceeded to pull our pants down and compare notes. We were curious. We didn’t do anything except touch a little. All in the name of science. I do remember knowing what we were doing was naughty. I am not sure what would have happened if we had been caught. But I remember a fear of possibly being caught. We weren’t. Instead we concluded our session and emerged from under the bed just in time to hear our names being called.
GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS!
It is hard to remember when I first started noticing girls. I attended public school and by the time I was in third grade there were several girls I liked. There were girls at school with whom I played and cavorted. And there was a neighbor girl. She lived across the street and was a little older than me. She was a tomboy which may have had a formative affect on me. Most all of my serious relationships were with tomboys. This is not to indicate they were unattractive they just weren’t preoccupied with fashion and makeup. They were comfortable dressed in jeans and t-shirts and were wonderful companions who excelled in the simple pleasures of childhood.
The neighbor girl was probably my first real crush. She was lanky, had long blond hair and was athletic. She was always up for anything. We never kissed or did anything which would constitute a relationship. But I remember wanting to see her and be with her when I went out to play with the neighborhood children.
There were other girls along the way which I fancied. Of course, like most boys, my ideals were shaped by my mother, television and movies. I devoured classic films and television shows. So, my perspective concerning poise and attractiveness were skewed in comparison to my peers. No one I knew was infatuated with Joan Leslie, Yvonne Craig or musical comedy stars of the 1940s.
I grew up with two older sisters and an older brother. All of them were very outgoing. They were involved in numerous extracurricular activities at school and elsewhere. We had a pool so we had several parties at our home. Even though I was eight years younger than my oldest sibling I was allowed attend these gatherings. I was consistently surrounded by more mature women. Girls paid attention to me. Often I could be found encircled by a group of bikini clad teenagers as I performed. As I started growing up those teenagers became objects of my desires. But they were unattainable. I am certain there is a psychological point to be made concerning dominance, desire, pleasure and denial. The formation of a pattern of perspective.
I cannot recall my first nude lady. There must be a point in a young boy’s life where it takes on meaning. A divisional line. A ceremonial curtain lifted. One that can never come down again. I am positive I saw nudity previously but it did not mean anything. What I can’t recall is when the change occurred.
There are two prominent nude ladies from my past. One is from a Monty Python Flying Circus episode. It is a sketch entitled “The Boring Life of a City Stockbroker”. The stockbroker (Michael Palin) goes into a shop to buy a paper and there is a topless woman behind the counter. She has an impressive chest and the camera holds on her for a long time. There is no cutaway or hiding. Monty Python sketch. Of course, I viewed this when I was older than my accounts from the time period above. Of course, in general, Monty Python was full of sexual imagery.
My other prominent nude woman comes from the play Dracula. My brother knew someone in the cast. We all went to see it together when I was very young. There is a scene where Dracula mingles with Lucy. “Flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood…” The actress then tore off her top and Dracula bit her chest. She too was well endowed. My mother was furious with my brother.
My father kept Playboy magazines hidden in his underwear drawer. I discovered them by accident and made mental note of their location. When I was alone I found them again. I was fully dressed and not engaged in any action besides ogling when my mother surprised me. She walked in and calmly said “You can look at those when you’re older.”
That always struck me as a very inciteful way to handle the situation. No scolding or yelling just a simple acknowledgment of my misbehavior. It also illustrated she was aware of the magazine’s existence and location. I wonder about their conversation prior to and after my discovery. I wonder how she felt about my father keeping them in the house.
My father was self employed. And for a short time he worked from home but there were too many distractions. Eventually he rented office space elsewhere. A few years later I discovered his extensive stash on a shelf in his storage room. It was about three feet tall and filled with Playboy and Penthouse magazines. There may have been other magazines but I can’t recall. But it was inside Penthouse I began reading instead of just looking. The printed word became much more powerful than images. A fact which has stayed with me through life.